Frances Cole Jones's The WOW Factor

Hey, what's up. Whatever...

Just wanted you to know that I'm reviewing a book this week for the FSRI. It's Frances Cole Jones's The WOW Factor, The 33 Things You Must (and Must Not) Do to Guarantee Your Edge in Today's Business World (Ballantine). The FSRI offices received a copy in the mail, and I guess they needed someone to decide if it was worth a read.

First off, I want to let you know that I was excited to read the book because I thought it was gonna be about WOW (World of Warcraft) and not about business stuff. When I realized it wasn't about the game I was a little pissed off. Then I figured ...what the heck, I'll read it anyway. I never thought I'd say this, but after reading most of this book (the most important parts) I can say, without hesitation, that I completely recommend it. Here's why:

This Frances chick has laid it down. She, like, wrote about 33 things that can make you a better employee. Stuff like ...Look for Angels Wearing Overalls, The Six Layers of Why, Have a Thick Face, Keep Current Outside Your Comfort Zone ...and all kinds of suggestions like that. Now, I don't really know what this stuff means, but it sounds pretty cool. In fact, I'm thinking of using some of this stuff when I get a job ...I think early next year. Anyways... I'll give you my favorite and least favorite parts of this book.

FAVORITE: At the end of the book Frances drops some serious lines about how we should think about becoming successful. Here's some of them from her section "Don't Ask Permission" on page 174: "Every New Year's Eve, instead of picking a resolution for the year, I pick a motto: a mental bumper sticker that will exemplify how I will move through the world over the coming twelve months. Recently, that slogan was "Don't Ask Permission." It's no coincidence that with that slogan driving me, I sat down and wrote How to Wow."

How to Wow. Huh? I don't know how that fits in with a bumper sticker on her head saying "Don't Ask Permission" but it got her to do something important, and that's good enough for me.

LEAST FAVORITE: Her section on manners. On page 54 she starts getting "preachy" by saying all this stuff that you shouldn't do when working at a job. Here's a few examples:

1. "Wash your hair. Clean your nails." Sheesh, sounds like my mom!

2. "Political buttons, religious pins, Star Trek badges, etc., have their place, but not in interviews or during business occasions." Pleeeeeeease!!!!! If' I've got a rare Star Trek pin, I'm wearin' it, no matter what anybody says!

3. "Don't drink." What? Don't drink while working? Oh, come on! Give me Mountain Dew or give me death!

4. "Please do not wear your sunglasses, either on your face or on your head." Man, is this lady serious, or what? Reminds me of my old piano teacher.

So, there it is, my first frickin' book review for the FSRI. Happy now? I don't know if this helped you figure out if you want to buy it or not, but if you do, just be ready for hearing a bunch of stuff your mom might tell you. Which reminds me, I have to clean out the gutters sometime this week. We had some basement flooding during last week's rainstorm and she's all over me to make sure there's no leaves up there plugging things up. Sheeesh. Well, having the basement apartment puts this on the top of my list.

Out,

Decateur

Barbara Ehrenreich Attacks Positive Thinking!

In her new book, Barbara Ehrenreich goes for the jugular with the broad indictment against purveyors of positivism. The following is an excerpt taken from Amazon.com's product description:

"With the mythbusting powers for which she is acclaimed, Ehrenreich exposes the downside of America’s penchant for positive thinking: On a personal level, it leads to self-blame and a morbid preoccupation with stamping out “negative” thoughts. On a national level, it’s brought us an era of irrational optimism resulting in disaster. This is Ehrenreich at her provocative best—poking holes in conventional wisdom and faux science, and ending with a call for existential clarity and courage."

It's a sad day when an author exhibits such a poor sense of judgement. To attack optimism and hope is an act similar to driving a dagger into the heart of a puppy ...or, perhaps, a cuddly pink teddy bear!

As a measure of self-defense, the FSRI has decided to take a preemptive strike to counter the vituperative claims by this rogue scholar and to defend the institutional dogmas of Faking Smart! Not only does the FSRI, the FSIHL and K.W.A. consider the publication Ms. Ehrenreich's new book a threat to Faking Smart!, but we consider it a threat to the entire well-being and future of America!

If this country loses the belief that cancer can be cured by clowns, that God will reward prayer with wealth, that the stock market's rise and fall has an inverse relationship with the price of bauxite; that a career in corporate America is the best thing you could wish for ...why live at all? Ms. Ehrenreich, thanks a lot. NOT!

You can find an additional review of Ms. Ehrenreich's book at the Democracy Now! website.

FSRI CEO of the Week

Noted entrepreneur and founder of the AlphaTrust corporation, Bill Brice is this week's FSRI CEO of the Week.

Congratulations, Bill. On behalf of the FSRI and FSIHL, anybody with the title of CEO is, in our estimation, one BADASS MO-FO! Keep up the good work, and we wish you many more head-lining weeks to come. If you're curious and wish to learn more about Bill Brice click on this LINK.

KWA

UPDATE: FSRI Discovers Missing Phrase You Should Never Say to Your Boss!

After sifting through reams and reams of old tax returns, jury duty notices, medieval Bible printings and antiquated lunch receipts from Skipper's Fish House, we are happy to announce that we've found the 1oth, and final component, of the "Ten Things You Should Never Say to Your Boss" post.

Without further ado, here it is:

10. "There are moments when I see myself stepping up and lending my talents to this company. Then I think, ...what's the point?"

We here at the FSRI hope you enjoyed this phrase or "line" as much as we did. Now get out there and DON'T USE THIS LINE WHEN SPEAKING TO YOUR BOSS! Dire consequences await should you choose otherwise.

Thank you,

KWA

TEN THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO YOUR BOSS

After several hours of research and debate, the FSRI is proud to announce its new list for this fall season. While this list may not be complete, believe us when we say that we made every effort to make it as complete as we could. Any list less complete than the list provided below would have been deemed "insufficient" and tossed into the rubbish dumpster outside our back door. In the meantime, enjoy this list, and we hope this helps you to find success at your workplace.

Ten Things You Should Never Say to Your Boss:

1. "Again, ...why do they pay you more than me?"

2. "No, it's not that I don't like sales. It's just that I hate selling shit."

3. "Just so you know, nobody likes you."

4. "Can I get out of here early today? I'm just so tired of all this work."

5. "Maybe you should stick with slacks. Those kancles are off the hook!"

6. "That mustache does a nice job of hiding your sores."

7. "Hearing you talk is like listening to somebody sawing a trumpet."

8. "Great presentation! I particularly liked the part when I was asleep."

9. "This company sucks."

Good luck! We hope this was informative. Remember: the phrases listed above were considered phrases you SHOULDN'T use when addressing your superior. If you happen to let one slip, please don't blame us or mention the FSRI, our Faking Smart! blog or our website while in consultation with legal representation.

KWA

THIS GUY SURE KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT

This guy knows how to read (look at all those books in the background), but his strength lies in his ability to talk. He could talk all day about all kinds of things, like batteries and networking, but this still won't necessarily land him a job. If you can, send him a note to "slow down!" Tell him that if he would listen a little bit instead of talking so much, he might be able to find a job. Let's wish him the best! Also, if you could, please send him a necktie.